why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
