I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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