I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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