Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
should my penis look like a turkey
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
