if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
