Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
