This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Randomize
