i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
