I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Holy shit dude........stairs
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
