if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
