I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
