I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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