We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
