Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
