Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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