you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
