New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
