Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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