my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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