I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
