Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
