So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
