Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
