there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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