I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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