Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize