his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
