In the future we'll all be gay
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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