Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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