it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
