I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
