i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
pray to the hookup gods
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
