she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
the day after is always just damage control
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize