No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
He better not be in your backpack
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
