Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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