booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
and you fell through a lawn chair
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
