32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
