Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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