How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
