It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize