Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
