I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
