she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
