He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
