it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
