NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize