You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
