So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
he thought i was a dude.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
