what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize