She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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