So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
