im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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