i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
