he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
