i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize