when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
