Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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