Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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