DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Randomize
