my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
