how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
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