I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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