If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
