my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
