Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
