so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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