all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
