How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
