Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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