i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
