im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Randomize
