The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
