How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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