Say something about gay babies.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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