and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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