i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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