It's Friday. Sex?
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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