Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
