I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
