Cold hands, warm shart.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
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