The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
