He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
