she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
