No subtext here. People are naked.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize